When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
