Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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