Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
