we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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