I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize