god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
