yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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