Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
