Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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