highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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