Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
