he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
