I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
