he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
