Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
