yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
