we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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