is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
