so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
