My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
