Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
