I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
