You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize