Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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