I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
