White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
