Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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