i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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