i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
