I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
