Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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