google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Life is so much better after having sex.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
