dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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