the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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