He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
