You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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