Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
