i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
