Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
