mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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