I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
