so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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