bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize