i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
