Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
time to smoke my breakfast
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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