The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
