it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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