It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
