His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
