Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i've created a new STD.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
