i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
