dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
