Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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