you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
