he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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