I cannot find my penis.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
