Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
