i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
