I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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