just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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