Your tits are I can't wait for
He kissed a someone with a penis
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
