i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
