Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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