Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
