well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
