garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
