Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
