what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
