What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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