Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
