Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Be still, my beating vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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