So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
