Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
