i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This baby is an asshole
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize