How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
