problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
