You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
