Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
