guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
