The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
