quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
